Funkiness

I'm in a funk.

I admit it.

I felt better in Florida, BUT I didn't have weeds, laundry, dishes, dinner, clutter to look at. 

I didn't have to face any of those things staring at me, and admit,

"I don't want to do it, AND you can't make me!"

...which is how I felt before I left, and how I REALLY feel now. 

I just want to sleep.  And sleep.  And sleep.

I am eating what I want, and not exercising, which is NOT helping anything either.

I have had the feeling though, that I do want to look cute when I go out in public, which may be a positive sign, BUT eating and laying around does not help.  Not that my desire to look cute AND thinner has done anything to stop the eating or promote exercise.

I truly know I am in a funk because I don't want to plant my hanging pots and porch boxes.  I love doing that.  Or I did.  I have the flowers.  Jackson and his BFF Jack helped me pick them out.  But they are sitting on the porch.  And I'm in here.

Not sure what has made it worse.  That I feel fat.  That the divorce was final Wednesday.  That tomorrow is Mother's Day and last year, my mom and Grandmother were both still alive.  And now they aren't.

I want out of this funkiness.  But don't think I am yet strong enough to pull myself out.  Not yet.

(sigh)

Cubs game/couch?  Listen to it and plant?  Hummmmmmm......

Dear E-Marketers,

Please stop sending me posts about it being too late to order flowers/pajamas/chocolate covered strawberries/lingerie or any other such Mother's Day type Mother's Day gift.

My mother is dead.  And I discovered I failed to mail the card I bought to send her for her last Mother's Day the week after she died.  No wonder it was not in the pile of lovely cards she had hidden/keep safe in her underwear drawer.

And by Mother's Day, I will be divorced from my lying, cheating, wall hitting, cursing, vandalzing sociopath of a husband.  Not that he acknowledged Mother's Day last year.

Mother's Day this year?  It can go fly a kite.  Maybe that is what my little man and I will do.

So all of you who keep sending me emails, go suck it.

I'm Back (in Hiding)

I am back to my blogging, I think.  I need to hide from FaceBook, but need an outlet for my random thoughts.  The long and short of it:  Mom died, Chris had an affair, we went through counseling that didn't work.  My college roommate died. Chris had a blow up.  My Grandma died. Chris was an ass.  I have filed for divorce and he is/was trying to make my life miserable.  The divorce will be final in 10 days.

Today is my 1st Anniversary.  What a year.  Everytime my phone rings, dings, buzzes with a call, text or FB message, I jump.  I am waiting to see what he surprise he may have planned for me today.

Random Thought

With Mom now gone, who is going to get the knots out of my necklace chain? This was something she alway did....sitting patiently with a needle or pin, working them out.

Let's get it all in in a Year

WOW. It has been a long time since I've posted. My dot points may seem absurd, and hard to believe they have all happened since my last post.

• Mom was cleared after her cancer treatment.



• Christmas came and cancer was back and she re-entered treatment.



• I picked up my wedding dress.



• We put the house on the market, and fell in love with 1 and then 2 houses that got away.



• Mom was declared in remission, but had heart issues and then serious of strokes.



• She made it to the wedding with my father, a home care nurse and lots of equipment.



• I did get married on April 30. The rain held off. The garden looked beautiful. The party was awesome, and we are happy. We were told it was one of the best weddings ever in terms of fun.



• We did the Mother's Day Tea, a kindergarten ritual with mom's and their kindergartners. We went for a fancy dinner, had our pictures take in the decorated gym. The little ones served us dessert and tea or lemonade, and put on a very precious program.



• We had a contract on our house, and put in an offer on another house.



• Mom went back into the hospital. Her cancer was back. All over.



• Both contracts blew up over the inspection on one and financial issues on the other.



• We pulled out of both deals and I yanked the sign out of the yard.



• I went to visit mom, who came home with hospice Friday of Memorial Day weekend.



• Jackson finished kindergarten June 1.



• Mom died June 3.



• We bought a new truck June 10.



• I turned 40 June 14.



• Yesterday I learned Jackson's aunt may want to buy the house WE want to buy.



• Today the landscapers came to clean up my forest of a lawn.



• Monday the mold/asbestos guy comes to help me "remediate" said issues.



• I hope to get the sign back in the yard by Friday.

So that is my life. In a nutshell.

The Annunciation?

Mommy, Did God tell you I was in your tummy? Kind of like he
told Mary Jesus was in her tummy?

Um, no, Buddy. It wasn't quite like that.

So, What's Happenin'?

Well, I have been feeling guilty about not blogging lately, but then again, those I follow haven't really blogged much either - hint, hint, hint.

So what is happening here?

• I got an email from the Reception lady that our 50% payment is due because our wedding is 6 MONTHS FROM SATURDAY.
• Jackson started sounding out words during our story time on Monday night for the first time.
• We started reading The Boxcar Children last night as our first ever real "chapter book" we are reading together. When chapter 3 ended with a cliff-hanger, he protested when I closed the book. I LOVED that!!!
• Jackson, Jared and Joe are all between seasons game wise. But the oldest and youngest have begun basketball practice, and games for both start NEXT weekend.
• Chris has been working out of town most of the time.
• Work has been busy, but good. I think.
• Jackson won the "Most Improved" award for his football team - the only award that is given for each team in his JFL program. He still really doesn't want to play next year, but feels better about this season now.
• I am so sad we did not get to go to Disney again this year, but am very glad we got to go last year.
• Jackson is going to be an "American Warrior from the time around when Abraham Lincoln died" for Halloween, a costume concept he developed and helped me make. His concept is a boy in knight-like silver armor with a sword and shield. We pieced the costume together with random items we had around the house, a fire helmet, the sword (around which the costume was developed), and a can of silver spray paint. When we got him all dressed for the school party Sunday night, he borrowed a compact mirror, looked at himself, and gleefully proclaimed, "I look AWESOME!!!"