My Perspective on the Today's Circus Down the Block

Outside of my office window and straight down the block, the Illinois Governor is about to be removed from office.

The day he was sworn in (right before he fired me, I might add), I mused that the most important job in Illinois Government beginning that day was Executive Protection, because the last thing we wanted was a Governor Pat Quinn, the new Lt. Governor. That day I never imagined my mind would change.

Pat Quinn is a perpetual "also ran." He served in the Illinois House and as State Treasurer, but when trying to climb higher than that, the voters typically wised up and saw him for the radical liberal with far out ideas that he is.

But when it came time for the 2002 primary, both primaries for Governor were hotly contested. Numerous candidates filed for the Dem nomination for Lt. Governor, and the voters stayed asleep. Pat Quinn won handily. The voters knew his name, and sadly,often that is the only qualification you need to fill the state's second highest post. In the General Election, the Lt. and Governor run together as a team. Blagojevich was stuck with Quinn and so were we.

I have campaigned against the man in my earlier days. And I used his campaign fodder from a race against my former boss in preparing for our next election. He has far out ideas.

In December of 2002 in the midst of the transition, all of the outgoing senior staffers were asked to meet individually with Quinn and his chief of staff. We met in our small conference room. One of his big issues is universal government funded health care, and being the Senior Health Care Advisor, suffice it to say we had a rather "spirited" discussion. Okay, at one point we were openly yelling at each other. When I got up to leave, though, he actually asked me if he had my resume and would I consider staying on. My jaw dropped, and I politely thanked him, but indicated I had another job. And no, I never did reconsider working for the man when his partner announced a month or so later that I was fired.

I am not sure what moves Quinn will make. Whether he will try to instill some of his far out ideas, or whether he will sit down and start tackling some of the true issues our state is facing. I don't know if he thinks he will have a shot at keeping the job he will assume later today when 2010 rolls around, or if he will see the massive wall that is the Madigan family and quietly stay out of the fray. He is not dumb, but he does not normally shy away from a fight.

One thing I do know, he will be an improvement on what we have had for the past 6 years. I also believe that while I think he is quite off center, his heart is well intentioned.

So God bless us all, may justice be served, and may there be some positive change in the next couple of years in Illinois.

The State of My Heart + 3 is more than 1

....literally and figuratively

First, I got the call today from my cardiologist's nurse. She said the Friday ECHO showed that the swelling had gone done significantly. He was pleased with the results; no further follow up was needed; call if I need anything.

That is good!

So now my 3-time surgically repaired knee hurts to the point I took a darveset and am laying in bed. Oh, well!

The lunch date with Match Matt went pretty well. We had the expected slightly awkward first few minutes, but by the time we ordered, the conversation was in full gear. We were there for well over an hour, and when we left he mentioned he had 2 tickets for the comedy club in Bloomington (where he works) for Friday night.

Good, right? Well, he has seemed weird since then. Almost like he lost his sense of humor. It has only been about 30 hours, so I should stop analyzing, but easier said than done!
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I started a post last week about 2 being more than 1 after Jackson and I spent the evening with my friend Doran's 3 month old son Ledger. We went to dinner with friends then home. He slept most of the time, but juggling him in his car seat, diaper bag, my/Jax bag and keeping track of Jax was still a hassle. And feeding a baby during Jax story time, well, hats off to Kim, Karen, Jenny, and all who do it every day!

Well, last night I kept my friend Theresa's girls while she went to dinner with a friend. The kids were good. The older one helped me cook, and Jackson and the younger played fairly well together for them.

But I was challenged to feed, bath, brush teeth, and review a book report for three children, Jackson, a kindergartner, and a 4th grader in about 2.5 hours. No, problem, I thought.

BUT when Theresa showed up at 7:45 (15-30 minutes earlier than I expected), all of the kids had eaten, but the house was completely trashed. I had blown a fuse in the kitchen. Jackson had his shower and PJs on, but the first girl was still in the tub with unwashed hair, we were just starting to go over the older girl's book report, she had not showered, and no one had brushed their teeth.

I did analyze my processes and decided that the big mistake was to make a labor intensive dinner and not to have at least one child bath while I cooked. With my mini-house, even at the stove I am about 10 steps from the tub, so don't worry about the safety factor. Plus, there was NO chance the children were being quiet enough for me to not hear what was happening, whereever I might have been.

Oh, and any idea of preserving private boy-girl parts, not a chance. The older one took more of a mother's helper role with Jackson, and the two younger ones did not really seem to have any issues with privacy.

I think I will have a better strategy next time, and up for the challenge again, but good thing I did not pick up baby Ledger too! One step at a time....

P.S. Can you see my header? It seems to have disappeared...

A Peak Inside Our House

Tonight's scene: Jackson and I playing on the floor. We have the Sesame Street Elmo pirate ship, small spider man, small robin, big spiderman, big batman, a random storm trouper and a surfboarding penguin.

We are sailing between San Diego and New York City (thanks, Madagascar). Guys take turns sailing off my head and down my legs. Spidy floats in the sun. Batman rested in the sand.

And Jackson starts signing:

Jingle Bells. Jingle Bells.
Batman Smells.
Robin laid some eggs.
Bat mobile lost all of its tires,
And Joker got away.

And a Friday Sigh

Today, though much dreaded, is ending with an exhausted, yet content sigh....

• The 4+ year project I have been working on is nearly over. We had what we hope to be the second to last meeting of our merry group. With build up making me speculate that I needed body armor for the meeting, a strong leader led the discussion over a very intense subject, and I believe a final compromised was reached.
• Thyroid and diabetes tests have come back all clear.
• Match Matt sent a sweet email this morning and agreed to meet on Tuesday. AND my body is starting to, ummm, react at the sound of his voice/mention of his name, so I hope this goes well.
• I have laid the ground work for low expectations at my client board meeting on Tuesday. I had a long positive chat with my most vocal critic today, and it is all good.
• Jackson and I have to make it thru tonight, then karate in the AM, then I am either going to chill OR go to the Illini game with Theresa tomorrow. A much needed break/distraction.
  I think I am going to head home. Happy weekend!

Walls

We all hit them. Some harder than others.

I must have been wearing a crash helmet when I hit mine today around lunch because I managed to not even cry. It helped that as I was feeling pathetically low heading back to the office on some hour 12 or so I have missed from work this week, I drove past a homeless man. He could have been 35 or 55. He was average height, slightly chubby, wearing clothes way too big for him, heading down the sidewalk using crutches to help steady himself.

Yes, God, I DO live a fortunate life.

The tests, bar one, have come back very good. Apparently my glucose levels were way up on Friday, so I went back in this AM for another blood test, but this would not have caused the swelling in my heart. I have another ECHO tomorrow at 2 PM (there goes another 3 hours off work). Hopefully it will show things are getting better.

But I am still exhausted now, and while I know I cannot be the be all and end all, I have a major meeting tomorrow and have done nothing, and I say I don't care, but I do. Kim has been AWESOME this week and last, so her tempraments that were exhibited right after the new year were truly short lived. I guess we just need to be able to look at each other face to face at least once very 72 hours and all is good.

I have had great nights out the past two nights at the same restaurant, eating the same thing with two different sets of girl friends. We have talked and laughed and it has been great.

Match Matt is pretty good too, and he even suggested we finally meet. But he is one to over analyze things and make them much more difficult than the need to be. However, he has been traveling ALL week. I would guess when he gets home tonight he will have driven over 1000 miles since Tuesday AM, so probably I should cut him some slack. We will see. I would love to sit in a little pub with him and chat and laugh over a beer. I think he would be good at that. I have heard the tender concern in his voice when I finally admitted I had seen a cardiologist on Tuesday. And he sounds like a very dedicated father. We will see.

My sister is at my parents. She can be the responsible one there this weekend, but I did email her instructions, what foods to push and all of the toiletries I have there for use. I need to let go.

The other odd thing was that this afternoon when I was thinking that I was too exhausted to talk to Matt tonight, but still longer to curl up and cry on his shoulder, I remembered what an old boyfriend used to call this mood: "Go away and hold me." When I was in this state, we would chat on the phone, I would suggest that he go find something to do with the guys, that I just wanted to curl on the couch and be alone. And within minutes, he would be at the door. And that is what I REALLY wanted, even if I did not know it.

The weird thing about it: He is married with a child or two and now also on the board of a client that is mostly Kim's realm. And as I was thinking about wanting Matt to go away and hold me, the phone rang and it was old boyfriend. He maybe calls our office 3-4 times a year. We chatted, I told him how I was feeling and he made me laugh.

I made it over the wall, at least for awhile. I solved a database problem, got some work done for a meeting next week, discovered that one client IS turning their finances around, and left the office on a positive note. Had a good dinner with a good friend, and my mommy friend Theresa just stopped by for a minute.

My life IS good, even if my heart may not be right now. I have people who are holding me up emtionally, and to you, I thank you and give you my heart - swelling and all.

Now I am going to curl up with my little man at the foot of that wall, and hopefully finally get a good nights sleep. For tomorrow, the barbarians are coming for my meeting, and I need to be rested if not prepared....

Ear Infections & Back Surgery

This is how my life seems right now:

Once I went to the doctor because I thought I had an ear infection, and left there with an appointment for my second back surgery.

I am on "volume 2" of my chart with my primary care doc. We have this funny little relationship. I go in because I have (or think I have) some silly weird symptom, she runs a test to make me feel better, and then finds something completely unrelated that is actually wrong with me. We have gone thru the hoops many times. It is never life threatening, but I have had tests, procedures, more blood sucked out of me than if I lived with a vampire. All in all I am lucky, but this time, I am a little nervous.

I had my follow up appointment this afternoon for what was supposed to be the back pain/CT scan appointment from a month ago. For those of you keeping score, I ended up reading the results (that other doc stuck in my file), and discovering some comment about a heart abnormality. My REAL doc ordered a follow up echo cardiogram, and they called over and got the results when I was there today. The ECHO confirmed the original finding in the CT scan and showed a few other things that I don't understand.

After hearing the story about my mom, she called the cardiologist who originally read the ECHO, talked to him while I was there, stated I was completely asymptomatic, but then related the story about my mom, but casually added that I did not think it was related. Did he want to see me? Yes. Tuesday. And with a battery of blood tests and an EKG. The EKG conclusion was that one part of it was abnormal, but inconclusive. Nice.

I requested a copy of the echo report and a copy of the EKG (I still have the CT Scan), and brought them home. I asked Dr. Lisa if I should call my mom's cardiologist, and she calmed me down a bit and told me the call off the dogs, but agreed that I should stay off a treadmill until I see him. But I am stewing a little.
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• On the other side of life, Jackson called me "fatso" last night. After having a discussion about what is nice to say to people and what is not, I thought we were done, but he concluded in a very matter of fact voice, "But Mommy, you DO have a fat tummy." Some times the truth hurts. BUT I can put off the exercise until at least tuesday!

• I have been communicating with a man via email who lives just outside of town. He is a small town guy, but sounds nice, witty, bright and professional. We will see. Thanks, Lisa and Lisa for your online inspiration.

• Jackson learned a lesson about money for the first time this week. He wants a Bakugon ball/action figure/game piece guy. They cost somewhere in the greater $5 range. We just had Christmas and I am NOT going to buy it for him. So I told him he could do extra chores and earn the money to buy it himself.

For those of you still not paying attention, HE IS THREE!!! I thought this discussion would come MUCH later the first time.

But he is. He helped me change the 7 light bulbs that were burned out on our main floor. And got 7 "monies" out of the change jar. Then he helped me sort the change in said jar into piles. And learned that the big ones with the giant eagle on the back are quarters and are worth 25 monies, and the pennies are worth one money. He got it right away, and wanted lots of quarters.

After we were finished, which was no small task, he ended up getting to take 2 from each pile. He thought he was set to go buy his Bakugon. Not so fast, buddy. You need at least 20 of the quarters!

So now we are about to fold laundry and sort the new batch. He can earn more money, and maybe by next week, get to buy his Bakugon. We will see.

p.s. In case my heart blows up, let me sister know he has his money in the McQueen cup on his dresser. AND Dr. Lisa has the email of said internet man in case my heart blows up OR I get abducted and they need to do a Missing or CSI or Criminal Minds or some other cool cop show about me.

What to Do - Advice Needed

So because a few of you, as well one of my local divorced mommy friends, inspired me with your successes with online dating, I once again signed up for Match.com.

This has been causing me some anxiety on one general and two specific fronts:

Specific #1 My mommy friend has been dating this guy she met online for nearly 2 years. It has had its highs and lows, but she was glowing after Christmas when she told me she had Christmas dinner with his family, and that he was truly acting like a real boyfriend - consistently.

Sounds AWESOME for her right? Well, apparently he is still on Match, I popped up in his "Daily 5" and he checked that he was interested. AND I believe that a photo of him in his profile SHE took. I wrote him an email back saying that Springfield was a small town, that I think I knew the person who took his profile pick, and did he know Hollie and Hannah's mommy because I was Jackson's mommy, but I hope I had the wrong guy. I have not heard back.

Do I tell her?????!!!!!

Specific #2 I got emailed from a high powered lobbyist here in town. He is in the "in/happening" business lobby group that is always out.

He ended up having an affair with a woman he worked with, who I cannot stand because of her apparent ego (her step father was someone big and respected, and I think he is completely embarrassed by her), and I have always gotten the impression from that group that they were, or thought they were, a caliber above the rest. The affair broke up his marriage and they got married. Then he caught her having an affair with his best friend, that had been going on for years, so I hear.

NOW, I emailed him back saying that he probably did not recognize me, but I was me and that seeing as how we work in the same industry, it was probably a bad idea but good luck. He replied that if the industry thing was a non-starter, so be it, but he had not realized my profile was me and still wanted to take me to dinner.

Well, it is not so much the industry thing, but the fact that I know this saga. Having dated a high profile guy in town for almost three years when I first got to town, and having had numerous untrue rumors told about me, and hearing what that grapevine in this junior high/college like town can say about you that is so far from the truth, I feel slightly guilty judging him so, and am not sure how much of my opinion I should share.

This DOES NOT change the fact that (1) he had an affair on his wife; and (2) he apparently was at some point in love with Ms. KL, who I think could not be more different from me.

Any thoughts? Should I just not reply? Should I tell him it is the industry thing? Should I tell him the truth?

General 1: When someone has Winked, or emailed or said they are interested, what kind of things do you chat about? When do you exit the system and give them a phone number, your real email, or suggest a get together? Have you dealt with the distance thing? The few I have found interesting seem to live an hour or so away. Any suggestions would be welcomed....

I know big time lobbyist guy has been on Match for at least 9 months, so I am guessing many others are veterans at this....

THANKS!!!

Another Transformation: What you REALLY want me to post about....

Over the past month, Jackson has gone thru another transformation. He is definitely far from any notion of a toddler, and his now well into the throws of preschooler. And I feel like I missed it. Or maybe it just happened one night while he was sleeping.

He is still at the same weight - between 34 and 34.5 pounds. But he is getting longer. His nicer pants are now too big around the waist, but also not quite long enough. His face and neck are getting longer, and his hair thicker.

He is speaking not only in full paragraphs, but almost chapters. He is telling stories and relaying incidents from school, Melody's and other playmates. He is making up games, imagination settings for us to play cars, superheros, or whatever happens to be around. And he remembered nearly everything that his classmates brought for show and tell today and how the toys worked or what they did.

He is using his brain to think thru situations and make good decisions without my prompting. It makes me smile, but also freaks me out. He is growing up so much. He is so fun. He is so full of energy.

My adorable little man is growing up. Don't blink.

On the Bright Side

One of our large run printer sales rep guys - the fun one but whose company seems to be pertetually messing things up - stopped by to see me today with big calendars, the pens I like AND a 2 lb. box of good chocolates from our local family run candy shop. Happy New Year, Don!

Starting to Lose It

Through all of the ordeals of the past couple of weeks (I never did post about Jackson's 102-103 fever that lasted from Christmas Eve until the day we left Indy the first time), I have managed to keep sane and up beat.

I have had tremendous support from immediate family, extended family, my blogger family, and a few close friends. Jackson has truly been a good patient boy. But I am about to lose it, so I am going to vent my little list to you as to why and hopefully I can plug on:

• Jackson's dad was only able to keep him for a couple of hours Wednesday AM before we headed back to Indy because he had tennis Tuesday night (that he scheduled AFTER he know he could have him that night).
• Monday on our way home, Jackson REALLY wanted to spend the night with John. He really missed him. John did take him for 1.5 hours but brought him home by 7:15 because he was going to watch the football game. Priorities.
• My doc's office finally (after 2.5 weeks) found the results to my CT scan, said that it was all clear and, YEAH, they were proud that I did not have kidney stones, and they will mail me a copy of the report. Well, I went in for pain in my lower left back. He had a theory that I had kidney stones, my $1k test proved his theory wrong and they are proud?! AND I had told him that MY theory was that the pain is related to my endometriosis, but that my OB would not see me until the primary care docs had ruled the rest out, and they made me wait for 2.5 weeks to get me the report. HUMMM.
• AND when I did actually receive said report, it did say that I did not have kidney stones, but did say that I had some unexplained thickening and extra fluid around my heart. Humm. That report had gone in my file on the shelf. When I brought it to the attention to my REAL primary care doc, she said she wanted an Echo and other follow up tests to see what was going on.
• I managed to keep up with emails, the mail projects, and crisis management while at my parents' and at the hospital. I only called the president of our company once to verify that I was fixing a huge mistake that was about to be made, and fielded numerous calls from the staff while on the road.
• I was greeted this morning to a pointedly worded email with a laundry list of major projects from my "friend" our president, she wanted done by today, this Friday and next Friday. Never mind that most were not mine, and that several I was waiting on her for.
• When I sent out a text to see if my group of "friends" wanted to join me for wings and a beer last night, all but one person sent me an "I don't want wings; don't feel like goin' out; I need to tan for my Mexico trip" type of emails. I did get my wings and my beer with one friend who said yes and another who happened to call to make sure I was okay.

For crying out loud. My mom just about died. 90% fatality rate (not surviving to or thru surgery) for what she had. I have had to be the upbeat take care of everything girl. I washed her hair, changed her clothes, did all of the laundry, and cooked food for a week. It has been a rough week. Can't you (not you reading this) cut me a little slack, have a beer, be supportive, take care of your child??!! Happy @## New Year.

So there. Thanks for the vent. I feel better. On to Catholic prayer group tonight.

(And Lisa, thanks for calling, but if I would have answered the phone then, I would have cried, and I don't need that, today, but I appreciate it, and may cry later anyway.)

Mom's Home

We left the hospital this afternoon around 3 PM, arms full of my mom's belongs, instructions and prescriptions. She was given an anti-anxiety/sedative thing because of nerves regarding having the PICC line (the semi-permanent IV line) put in. She actually got very loopy by the time I saw her and it pretty much knocked her out.

She has been sleeping since we got home. Dad just got her up to use the bathroom and take a round of pills, and she headed back to sleep.

The home care nurse is supposed to come at some point tomorrow to do the first round of home antibiotics and do some "patient/caregiver education." Jax and I will head home either tomorrow after that or Monday morning.

I did finally got to meet her third doc today - Dr. Jacobs. She actually needs to continue to see all three for some time. They all continue to say that she should fully recover in a few weeks, but that it is truly a miracle she is alive. God must know that we all still need her around...

On the other fronts baby Cooper, Matt and Stacy got to come home on schedule and are settling in. Matt reports he is a very good baby and only cries when hungry or when he is getting his diaper changed.

John and I have been exchanging voice mails. He did report his dad is now home too, but gave no other details. I hope to give his sister a call tomorrow.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Love to all.