Overheard Today

"It is a beautiful day to be outside!"

Sunny and in the 80s with a pretty cool breeze.

"There is a stinky stuck in my bottom. Can you get it out?"

s-u-r-e??

"That doesn't look pretty."

Looking at the side of my neighbor's garage I scraped for 2 hours prior to being painted. It is a huge eyesore of a background in my garden.

"Where does God sleep?"

Ummm, in the clouds.

"You are doing a good job, Mommy. I like your scootering!"

Yes, I got a razor scooter today. We set up a slalom course in the driveway. It is actually fun AND good exercise, even though the handle bar is too low and I exceed the weight limit.

Surface

Spring has sprung, and apparently so has Jackson.

I went to pick him up today and I could not find my little boy. However, when I looked in the back yard, there was a boy back there who seemed to be a few inches taller than Jackson, with long lean legs sticking out of his shorts.

This little boy did decide I was his mom. How quick they do grown in the sun and the warm weather!

We decided to explore the neighborhood, me walking and Jax on his scooter. He then proceeded to analyze the riding "surfaces". Bumpy surface, smooth surface, surface not good for riding the scooter. Doing tricks with his little Spidy scooter.

We visited with neighbors, friends stopped by, help capture a run away dog. Then we jumped up and met friends for ice cream. He looked so grown up in his ND zip up sweatshirt.
This is a happy new phase in our lives. More flexibility. More adventures. And hopefully a lot of fun ahead of us this summer.

But I do have to wonder, what happened to my little little boy?

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

A Team Approach?

First - the great news - Scott just found out he got the job at the Air Guard and starts the middle of next month!!! That means they can finally settle on a permanent custody agreement, and he will have more time home with his daughter - and hopefully me!

It has been 11 days since I have seen him, and that is WAY too long! His flying privileges with big airline will be on hold until September, but I don't really care about that anyway.

_____

I saw the doc today. In a nutshell, the only two things he did determine are that my blood pressure is up (no surprise) and I am not pregnant (also, no surprise).

He is not ready to do surgery. And he said that part of my symptoms he fears would not go away with the surgery anyway. This frustrated me to NO END. Not that he is not ready to do the surgery - I just want to feel better, regardless of the method - but that the sharp pain and the pressure were my biggest complaints, and now he is saying they may not be being caused entirely by the endometriosis, but perhaps by a secondary complicating factor.

WHAT????

Then what have we been messing around with for almost a year???!!!

However, there is a silver lining. He suggested that I see a urologist who specializes in women's health. There is no one in town he would recommend, but a new faculty member is about to join our local school of medicine.

Phooey on that. I'm not waiting.

I asked for docs in Chicago or St. Louis. He said there was one guy in Chicago at Rush who was cross specialized that I should contact.

Welcome Internet! I looked up Rush, and that guy (who founded the program) is not there, but they have an entire program - Program for Abdonimal and Pelvic Health - where a team of specialists work together to determine what exactly your issues are and how to solve them.

I had a nice chat a bit ago with their clinical program manager. She was so nice, so reassuring, and told me after listening to my symptoms that I had definitely found the right place. She is setting up a series of appointments for me with 3-4 of their team members, hopefully within the next month.

Yeah!

If Dr. Lisa can criss cross the country for her treatments, I can definitely trek the 210 miles up I55 to find some answers.

First Soccer Game for #7

"The Talk"

So it is not fair to have morning sickness when you are not pregnant, or likely cannot get pregnant. Nor is it fair to have sore "big things" or constant tugs on your tummy, or pain when you have to go to the bathroom, even if it is muted pain.

Today when the nausea had lasted more than a couple of hours - even in the brief time when the Cubbies pulled ahead of the Cards - I picked up the phone and called the doc.

It is time for "The Talk".

The talk where I get the details of what the surgery involves, what the after affects will be, how my body at 38 might react to being rushed into menopause in a very sudden fashion. What relief from the hot flashes, etc. there will be cuz Estrogen therapy is not an option.

And if I am strong enough, where I set the date.

I made this decision a couple of months ago when it became obvious the pills were losing their effectiveness but not their side affects. But until today, had not picked up the phone.

Scott and I have talked about it quite a bit, even the night we had our loaner baby. Kim and I have talked about it quite a bit. I have talked it over with a good spiritual neighbor. LisaK and I have compared notes on the topic as well. I know this is for the best. I know that I am so blessed that God sent me my awesome little man.

But my voice cracked just a bit when the nurse asked "what she could do for me" and set my meeting/appointment date for next week.

I cleared my calendar for that hour and the two following it. I think I will need it, not matter how much I think I am ready.

Wednesday Night PotPorri

I am not feeling all that poetic, but thought I would share a few observations:

• I managed to fix my lawn mower tonight - or at least get it started and running well enough to cut the front yard and declare victory. Still needs a tune up, but I am quite proud.
  
• Jackson has gained more than 10% of his body weight in the past 2 months. For 6 months or so, he was 31.5-32 lbs on my parent's scale from the fall until at least President's Day. Last month at the doctor he was 36lbs. I had them weigh him twice. Saturday, on my parents' scale, he was 36 again. 4 pound gain in 2 months. I call that a growth spurt.
  
• The down side of Companion Passes is stand by on Friday. I did not make Scott's flight back to Chicago, and was not positive I would get on the next one until all of the other passengers had boarded, except two other ladies flying Companion (and Scott outranked their aunt, so I got a seat first). The three of us ended up with the last 3 seats, straight across from each other in the row in front of the emergency exit, you know, with the least leg room and the seat does not recline, but at least I was on board. There is no wine in 7C.
  
• Scott and his daughter are in Florida for Spring Break. My sister used to cry every night the summer she was in OH and her now husband was in NY. She used to sob, "But he is just so far away!" I am starting to get what she meant. (But don't tell her.)

Battery is dying so this is it for now....

The Pluses of a "Companion Pass"

I knew when I found the parking space right next to the cross walk into the door immediately in front of the UAL ticket counter, this could be agreat trip.

As I headed to the ticket counter in Springfield, and was immediately handed my boarding pass. "Plane is wide open....you have a seat already!" I was told by the perky Customer Service Agent.

I spent the short ride between SPI and ORD reviewing some work documents.

I arrive at O'Hare, bags in tow and had a little over an hour to find Scott's gate. It was a good walk, but not bad. I grabbed a muffin, found a quieter seat near the gate, texted where I was, and settled in for some more work. As I completed a call, his flight unloads, and I am greated by my hansome pilot with a kiss.

We stroll to our gate. He talks to the CSR there, and hands me my first class boarding pass. The head flight attendent, the pursor she is apparently called, asks my preference in wine, makes some small talk, and makes me feel like the queen of England.

On board I am in my comfy seat, and hear Scott's voice over the PA. Kind of a weird in a good way feeling. As we get on our way, Ms. Penny starts bringing the wine - in a REAL white wine glass, and never lets it hit half full. She also delivered a wrapped second bottle for us to take along to the hotel. I pull out my laptop, plug in the comp headphones, and do some more graphic design work. My only interruption being to occasionally notice Penny refilling the semi-dry wine.

When you are traveling with the pilot, and you are in first class, it does not matter that you are the first ones off, cuz you still need to wait. But it is worth it. The crew departs on the van that is sitting there waiting for us, Ms. Penny distributes room keys in the van (where did they come from???) and 10 minutes later we are at our hotel and can head straight for the elevator.

We enjoyed a nice casual late dinner, Scott finally got a drink, and we later drifted off in our large, comfy king bed - our first childless evening together when one or both of us did not need to be up and gone before 6 AM.

Whether Rochester or San Fran, Cabo or Newark, I imagine THIS evening would not have been much different. Sometimes it is nice to be the queen for a day!

It may not be Cabo....

...but I am heading out on my first "companion trip" with Scott to the booming Rochester, NY. It so happens he has a 36 hour layover at ROC, home to my sister and brother-in-law and family.

So we will get a little time away while Jax is with Dad, and Annaliese is with Mom. We plan to meet up with the NY family for dinner on Thurs.

He told me to dress for first class, so we will see!

A "Normal" Life

My "male friend" is in the midst of a nasty custody battle. Seems mom decided she got married and had a child too young, and never got to live her life. Mom's idea of life now is bar hopping, living the night life and dating. Not exactly conducive to marriage. It is a condition I have heard often from couples who married and subsequently divorced when mom was quite young. But that is for another post....

Scott has told me that he is really longing for a "normal" family life.

He got a little taste of normal on Tuesday, including the two of us snipping at each other at lunch time. We opted to forgo that lunch and to meet for dinner after my hair cut - Scott, Jackson, a 5 month old on loan from my hair stylist, and me.

With Jackson getting crabby and inpatient, the baby overtired from missing a nap, and me having had a long, long day, I mused:

"I have a crabby preschooler, a tired baby, no make-up left and I've had a long day. Honey, I'm home, did you get dinner??? WELCOME TO NORMAL FAMILY LIFE!!!!" I thought the joke was going to be on him.

He laughed, grabbed Jackson's bag out of the car, and headed in.

The baby managed to fall asleep, we got dinner ready, ate as a little family. He and Jackson cleaned up the take out containers and put the dishes in the dishwasher as I dealt with the now awake baby.

The "big boys" played and Ledger and I joined them in the living room. We laughed. They laughed more, and then Scott helped Jackson get ready for bed and read stories as I fed the baby. We traded when it came time for tooth brushing, tucking in and prayers, and then we met up again for play time on the floor with the baby while Jackson drifted off.

Ledger was enthralled with Scott. He was a pro at making him laugh. And not once that evening did I hear Jackson ask, "mommy, will you play with me?"

When it was time to get Ledger to sleep, I took him up and rocked him in my arms. Scott pulled us back so we were leaning on him. The lights were dim, and I could not help but feel a huge tug on my heart and "momminess" deep inside of me.

How long have I yearned for a "normal" family life - with a dad/partner helping with the evening routine? Making me feel special, loved, and well cared for? Effortlessly fitting in with with the responsibilities of parenting?

I forced myself to tell myself, by telling Scott, this peaceful scene is NOT normal life. If this was normal life, we would not have had take out. There would be more dishes to do. I would be dreading washing and fixing bottles for tomorrow. The baby would have been in bed earlier. My stress might not wash away because of the touch of his hand or a glance in his eyes. I would be fretting over laundry downstairs, paying bills, or some other household activity that I had easily forgotten about because he was here. And in HIS real life, four out of seven nights he would be on the road - well, in the sky.

So what is our normal life? What could it be? What might it be? I know it won't involve the image of Scott and I sitting on the floor together, making an infant laugh, and then the three of us snuggled up together as the baby drifts off to sleep. But I have seen a glimpse of the REAL part, the potential, and I like what I see.