Preschool

Today was preschool open house - a day Jax has been looking forward to for nearly a year now. I did not really know what to expect - I guess a fairy tale day.

He was soooo excited. Was waiving, "Hello, Friend!" to every person he saw outside. Once we got into the room, he expertly maneuvered around all of the grown ups and located the big bin of vehicles and multi-level garage. He was well at home.

He did not want or need any part of helping me put "school supplies" in the piles on the tables and stickers next to his name on the "paper towel" "picture money" and "wipes" lists. He did not want to chat with the teachers. He was all about playing with the motorcycle, the puzzles, kitchen, and anything else in the room.

There are 14 children in his class, mostly boys. Some children clung to their parents. Some played with an eye to where mom or dad was.

And then there was Jackson. Mr. Independent.

I was partially proud, and partially apologetic. Proud that he was on his own, willing to carve his own way in the new school. Apologetic that he had no interest in the small talk of the two teachers and the processes they had set up to ease us into the preschool life.

And I guess a little concerned that once in the room, he truly was not all that interested in meeting the other kids. I, on the other hand, was trying to make my way around the room meeting other parents, who were meeting each other when they were trying to get THEIR kids off of their legs or away from the wall. Me, I was that mom saying,

"Yes, that is my son, way over there somewhere, yes, the one with the play
hamburger in his mouth running the motorcycle on that poor other scared
child, that would be Jackson. My mini-me."

The odd thing I thought was that after we left, I could not get him to tell ANYONE where we went today, no matter how much he was prompted. Between all of the "finishing" contractors who all seemed to be in today, our employees, the owners' daughter, the architect, pretty much everyone knew where he had been and how excited he had been to start school, we were all anxious for him to talk about it. But he did not want to.

But then after dinner, as soon as I had moved on looking at the events of the weekend, he called PapaB anxious to tell him we were coming to their big party Sunday night, he instead proudly announced,

PapaB - I went to SCHOOL!!

Yes, my son is independent, a bit like me, but also in his own little ways.

He looks like me, BUT

....he thinks like dad!

At five months, when he was only flirting with the cute blonds in the elevator in downtown Chicago, I mused he was his daddy's boy.

But now as he gets older, I have found that Jax processes his thoughts much more like his father than me.

For me, I grew up with absolutes. There were rules. You followed them. You did not say no. Think no. Or question why. Black and white.

Jackson wants to understand "why." Not in a pesky toddler kind of way "why," but in a truly understanding the thought behind the rule/fact "why."

For example, Jax has struggled with basic rules of baseball. He wants to hit the ball off the tee, field it, then run around and slide "safe." Baseball is a one man game in his mind. It works in my world, but not so much on vacation. There was lots of baseball playing at Lake Syracuse. And there was lots of tension when Jackson wanted to field his own ball.

When I finally resolved that the kids were not going to let his version of the rules slide when it was his turn any longer, I pulled him aside, and we "talked about it." I explained that everyone in the game had a job - pitch, hit, field, run. If he hit AND fielded, he was taking someone else's job. Explained in those terms, and not as "these are the rules, live with it," he was cool with it, and there was peace.

I have found myself suggesting that we "talk about it" with other things - neutral tones, the two of us sitting down calmly, and me reviewing the overall concepts and him being able to ask questions. It works. And now he takes it upon himself to ask,

"Mommy, can we talk about you saying no to me having a fruit snack for
breakfast?"
"Can we talk about going to the donut store?"
"Can we talk about why you talked mean to me?"

We have also talked about going in the street, eating chicken nuggets every night for dinner, the need to wipe when the stinkies come out, why stinkies come out, etc. Not only has it proven effective, but it is SO cute when he asks if we can "Talk about" something, then climbs up next to me and looks up, waiting for me to begin.

He is truly wanting to understand. I had to go over the food processing, turning into stinkies thing a few times. He was NOT good with "everyone has stinkies" - he needed to know WHY.

I am happy about this and a little freaked out. I know now that if I can come up with a plausible explanation of something, it is all good, and it will stick. But what does that mean when it comes to the challenges he will face down the line, like when someone has a better argument why it is okay to try crack just one time.

I feel challenged, but hopefully we are up to it.

Escape to the Lake

Jackson on the pier at Lake Syracuse (Uncle Matt & Aunt Stacy's boat in background)


Jackson with Aunt Angie on Day 1.


Jackson and PapaB fishing on the pier Wednesday evening.

Rights of Passage

Wednesday night was "fee night" at Jackson's school. It is the Catholic elementary school where we go to church. We changed parishes when Jax was about a year old, mainly because I wanted him to go to school at B.S. Plus we live in the parish and I have lots of friends there.

The good thing about fee night: Preschool was easy. One table, drop off your forms, you are done. (Part of me thought, "This was easy." part thought, "What was the point of THAT?").

Somehow I thought there should be more. The gym was abuzz with parents (mostly moms) getting reacquainted, discussing whose kid was in whose room, what teachers were good, etc. I bought my SCRIP gift cards, signed up for a shift at the big fundraiser, and searched for some greater meaning, or something.

I think I was just longing to fit in. Part of the thing I loved about the parish is how you leave mass feeling like you just had a huge hug. Great priest. Tons of families. People sitting in the same general area each Sunday, smiling the familiar hellos.

And as I said earlier, I know lots of people here. Tennis people, former work people, current work people, political people, former boyfriend's friends, etc. I thought I should feel at home. I saw quite a few people I knew, but realized at fee night, I don't have a "group" yet. I am still an island. Everyone seemed to have their "people." I know lots of folks, but I don't have my "people" yet. Those you can go to, hang out with, and not feel like you are invading others' groups.

The first guy I saw I know from lots of ways: politics, works in my attorneys' office, I used to work with his wife, he used to flirt with me before he was married. I moved a couple people back in line to chat with him. But once we hit the table, he knew all of the ladies (I assume teachers/other parents) working, and I just did my thing and moved on.

My friend Lori from book club/former colleague/introduced me to Jax soon to be new babysitter was there and was the friendliest. But she is the bulletin coordinator for church, has a current preschooler and soon to be K student, lives down the street, and had her other moms and neighbors there. Angie who is always at mass, has another Jackson, and I know originally from a former boyfriend was at a bible study table. I chatted with her, but she had her Catechism friends, and stay-at-home mom network people with her.

I hope that once Jax is more involved with school, athletics, etc. I will find my "people" or get more accepted into others' groups of people.

Lisa mentioned in her blog those feelings from high school of wanting to fit in. I DID sit at the cool kids table, but have always been the one who was slightly different from the rest. (We were the brainy jock cool kids, but my chronic knee injury kept me from TRULY being a jock at the table.) I am a mom - without a husband. I am a single person - with a child. At work I am a non-owner employee, but the chief of staff and thus "fun sheriff." (And the one who had to leave the party last night to go deal with the building alarm going off.)

Yesterday I had lunch with a long time former colleague and friend who has been divorced now and has two daughters. I have another acquaintance who was a single Eucharistic minister and pregnant the same time I was. Her Jonah is a month younger than Jax. We have bonded a bit over that, exchanged numbers and vowed to get together each time we run into each other at the park, a festival, or community event. Perhaps they can be my people. The single professional moms of Springfield. Who knows.

In the mean time, my island will stay afloat. I will continue being JaxMom.

And for the first Saturday in a few months home with no child and no work obligations, I will go pull weeds.

We are back!

After the much needed break, we have returned.

Jackson and I had a great trip to Lake Syracuse with our family. The weather was mostly sunny and quite breezy, so no long fl0ats on the raft, but I did finish a book I HIGHLY recommend, "Change of Heart" by Jodi Picoult (not quite as tear-jerking as My Sister's Keeper, but an interesting perspective on religion, the death penalty, etc.)

Highlights of the trip:

• Jackson perfecting the "outdoor potty" (any tree he could find - but we needed to keep him pointed WITH the wind)
• Jackson's new-found l0ve of being shirtless.
• For my brother-in-law, me getting up from reading my book for a couple hours while sipping a yummy strawberry rum frozen concoction in a bucket and declaring, "My, I'm trashed."
• Watching Jax and dad catch two fish (okay, just dad, Jax was not even on the dock at the time, he claims them since it was "his" pole).
• Jax rewriting the words to "I like to move it, move it!" to "I like to tube it, tube it!" - Pretty clever for a 3-year old.
• Ang, Mike and my 2.5 hours on the boat, behind a land wind block with no phone, no children, a full cooler and our tunes. It was HEAVEN!
• Fielding only one call from the office (and actually not returning it for over 12 hours).

I will post pics later. Back to work.....