Funkiness

I'm in a funk.

I admit it.

I felt better in Florida, BUT I didn't have weeds, laundry, dishes, dinner, clutter to look at. 

I didn't have to face any of those things staring at me, and admit,

"I don't want to do it, AND you can't make me!"

...which is how I felt before I left, and how I REALLY feel now. 

I just want to sleep.  And sleep.  And sleep.

I am eating what I want, and not exercising, which is NOT helping anything either.

I have had the feeling though, that I do want to look cute when I go out in public, which may be a positive sign, BUT eating and laying around does not help.  Not that my desire to look cute AND thinner has done anything to stop the eating or promote exercise.

I truly know I am in a funk because I don't want to plant my hanging pots and porch boxes.  I love doing that.  Or I did.  I have the flowers.  Jackson and his BFF Jack helped me pick them out.  But they are sitting on the porch.  And I'm in here.

Not sure what has made it worse.  That I feel fat.  That the divorce was final Wednesday.  That tomorrow is Mother's Day and last year, my mom and Grandmother were both still alive.  And now they aren't.

I want out of this funkiness.  But don't think I am yet strong enough to pull myself out.  Not yet.

(sigh)

Cubs game/couch?  Listen to it and plant?  Hummmmmmm......

Dear E-Marketers,

Please stop sending me posts about it being too late to order flowers/pajamas/chocolate covered strawberries/lingerie or any other such Mother's Day type Mother's Day gift.

My mother is dead.  And I discovered I failed to mail the card I bought to send her for her last Mother's Day the week after she died.  No wonder it was not in the pile of lovely cards she had hidden/keep safe in her underwear drawer.

And by Mother's Day, I will be divorced from my lying, cheating, wall hitting, cursing, vandalzing sociopath of a husband.  Not that he acknowledged Mother's Day last year.

Mother's Day this year?  It can go fly a kite.  Maybe that is what my little man and I will do.

So all of you who keep sending me emails, go suck it.

I'm Back (in Hiding)

I am back to my blogging, I think.  I need to hide from FaceBook, but need an outlet for my random thoughts.  The long and short of it:  Mom died, Chris had an affair, we went through counseling that didn't work.  My college roommate died. Chris had a blow up.  My Grandma died. Chris was an ass.  I have filed for divorce and he is/was trying to make my life miserable.  The divorce will be final in 10 days.

Today is my 1st Anniversary.  What a year.  Everytime my phone rings, dings, buzzes with a call, text or FB message, I jump.  I am waiting to see what he surprise he may have planned for me today.