Images Closing out 2008 & Why I came

I had a surreal sense tonight at dinner of the mini vignettes taking place surrounding the people I love across the country about the same time tonight, and how while we may be in various states, our lives cross each others and touch each others as if we were all together. So here is what is blazoned into my mind:

• My mom's 24 inch or so incision needed to access the area of the aorta where she had her aneurysm - WOW. Apparently the location is very odd and both a cardiologist and thoracic surgeon who were partners did a team approach. If you have cause to attend a cardio-thoracic conference in the near future, look for a paper/presentation/article on their new approach to treating her. Dr Storey, we are told, was "giddy" at such a unique surgery.
• My beautiful new nephew, born shortly before noon back in Columbus, OH today, who happened to cry so hard he punctured a lung. Apparently this is a fairly common thing, and his pediatrician mom is very calm, but my worrier brother, is, well, worrying. They have weaned him off the oxygen tent, he is currently breathing fine, but they are going to re-xray him tomorrow to see if the newborn with apparent lizard like abilities in the first few days can repair his own lung.
• My baseball player cop brother who has not slept more than 60 consecutive minutes since sometime Sunday standing guard over his isolette, jumping at every beep and buzz of his little guy's monitor in the NICU, as the nice nurses fuss over little Cooper Andrew and his dark curly hair.
• Nurse Stephanie who is pretty as a picture and about 30 years old if that, taking off her coat 15 minutes after she was off work on New Year's Eve to help my mom with her IV and then ease her pain and my dad's anxiety over her inability to clear her lungs and fear of pain if she coughed enough to do so. Thank you Stephanie, for giving of your free time to stay to help mom since you are the one she had known since moving into this very home-like new room and the two new girls on duty seemed very unsure of what to do.
• Jackson and I playing rocket ship with crayons at our booth in Applebees for our romantic New Year's dinner.
• Dr. Lisa taking the time to chat with me for a few minutes as she hung with the nurses and cared for her charges in the NICU out in LA.
• My longest friend Jenny hosting 4 families and getting to get out her fine china and silver for a nice New Year's dinner. They hit the stage where the babies are infants, and the older kids are old enough to tend to the preschoolers in the large playland basement outside of Chicago.
• My sister and her family snowed in (again) outside of Rochester, New York. I don't know for sure, but my guess is her house is full of neighbor families, playing games and drinking beer, and ready to ring in the New Year.

In one of the many conversations I had with my sister today, I let her know I was leaving the office with Jackson to head here. Dad had discouraged my coming - trying to downplay the severity of my mother's condition, but finally giving in and saying I was welcome. I let her know that I was struggling with why I felt the need to come and what I would do once we got here. Because I COULD come; mom almost died - she was very, very close to dying; dad has been through the ringer; this was the most important place for me to be.

But to do what?

Now that I am here, I know.

• Mom is in a regular room now, and after 36 hours in the ICU, she is not getting the level of attention she got used to, and still feels like she needs. She is not yet comfortable in the regular room, trying to move to the bathroom, or doing anything for that matter that she needs help with. She needs someone with her most of the time.
• I left with Jackson after Stephanie came back in to help mom and mess with her IV, etc., and dad stayed for another couple of hours. He will head back in first thing in the AM.
• The house is exactly as I left it on Sunday. My mom I am sure went to bed right after we pulled out, and harped on dad not to make a noise, and they left here again shortly after 8 Monday morning.
• The ham and turkey are still in the fridge, the cookies on the baker's table, cooler in the middle of the laundry room, towels and sheets from the rest of the beds piled near the washer. Thank goodness I neglected to strip our bed so I did not need to redress it for us to sleep tonight.
• Dad asked me to play the family PR person - keep the cousin level of visitors to a minimum or not at all, as the promises of additional visitors were made tonight. Mom seems fine while she is just sitting and talking, but once the pain hits, she needs to move, needs to cough, or gets stressed, the wheels fall off, and she crashes.
• The house needs groceries. The milk has gone bad, the bread is stale, there are no eggs. Dad needed a real meal - I do count a sirloin with portabello mushrooms and steamed veggies from Applebees a real meal, even if served semi warm in a plastic container, but I will try to cook a few things for him to have when he comes home at night.
• The five fresh bananas that were on the counter are now quite ripe. I will turn them into banana bread and take it to our next door neighbors - firemen and paramedics, who delivered mom back to the hospital after the last scan showed the leak in her aorta. The engine pulled out of their drive way just far enough to block ours, and then simply backed back in to let the medical rig back out. Despite the 5 minute response time between her doctor's office calling 911 and the rig making it into OUR driveway, I am glad they are there. Apparently that is how long it takes the full dispatch thing to work. Mom had told the nurse it would be faster if she was just walk over there and rang the bell, but the nurse ordered her NOT TO MOVE. She did, however, walk out of to the driveway to great the rig and climbed into the back. (she does not take orders well.)
• I need to order flowers and cookies to be sent to my sister in law and to the house for my step nephews welcoming their baby brother from Grandma and Grandpa B. This is what mom would have done.
• Dad asked me to proof the mass email he was finally prepared to the middle and outer ring of the family and friends. He had forgotten the mention Cooper, which just showed me how tired and distracted he was. Coops looks JUST like my dad (and Jax!).

I am the caretaker child. It is my job. I think I am pretty good at it. I just don't want to get called into this role again for awhile......My family needs to stop blowing up body parts. I have issued the decree.

Again, a Happy and quiet New Year to you all!

More Updates....

Today I tried for a day similar to what we had planned since there was nothing we could do anyway.

• Mom made it thru surgery well, and after a failed attempt last night, they were able to extubate her this AM. She was groggy, but able to recognize dad and complain of a sore throat.
• She will be in ICU for a few days, and then in a regular room for a few more. They said the recovery time will be quite extensive.
• John's dad is going to need surgery, too. They have found a lot of random things wrong, but have decided they don't think he had a stroke. There is some mass on/near his colon they are going to remove and biopsy and then check on some other abscess/mass that is much smaller near his lung. He only has one functioning kidney right now, and it is only functioning at 50%, but don't really know if this is new or something that has been an issue for awhile, complicating some other random things. He had a short stint with bladder cancer two years ago.
• Matt and Stacy should be checking into their maternity room about now. The boys are with their dad, and Matt was passing time playing games with them this AM. He is not good at the waiting game.

So meanwhile on our Christmas break, Jackson and I went ahead with "boys day out" for Jackson and his buddy Austin. We did McDonald's indoor playland for lunch and then saw Tales of Despereaux.

The best part of the day was listening to the two young lads jabber in the back seat. It was all I could do NOT to crack up. I learned that the memorizing lines of movies thing starts young - the two of them were quoting lines of Cars to each other, discussing the characters, who crashed who and rehashed scenes. They discussed sports, sports figures, and cars. They analyzed what superhero was good and which was bad, and who could beat whom in battle.

It was fun to see the little guys having conversations amazingly similar to my drinking guy friends' around a table at a bar. There is not that much difference between 3, 33, 43 or even 53 for some!

Jax did not get a nap, but I did get some work done, watered down a few budding fires at the office, and got all of the laundry put away.

Jax passed out on the living room floor at about 6:15, just after he ate dinner and not long after Austin left. I put his pillow, blanket and pupy down with him and moved to my room, so I hope he will sleep thru the night.

In case I don't get back to it....

Happy New Year to you all!!!

Updates

I had begun witty poem take off of the Night before Christmas, but somehow my tales of Jackson's holiday fever pales today.

We are back from Indy - got back in last night - but are headed back either tomorrow or Wednesday AM. My mom had been in extreme pain for a few days following some kidney stone like pain for the past several weeks. It turns out she had a "leak" in the aorta near her abdomin that was pooling blood in that area. She was taken into emergency surgery a couple of hours ago. They believe that they have caught it in time, but that it did have the potential to kill her.

Dad insisted I not come tonight - plus we are midway thru laundry - but we will head there in the next day or so.

I wish you all a happy new year, and a hope that it starts a bit quieter than 2008 ends.

My sister-in-law is being induced with Cooper Andrew Baase tomorrow night and since this is her third (but my brothers first) they did not do any child birth class. My brother is the biggest worrier of us all, so I gave him the best crash course I could over the phone the past couple of times we talked. I hope they have a box of tissues and and ice pack for his head when he passes out.

AND John's dad has been in the hospital since Friday, but should be out tomorrow.

So if you pray, please add our little trifecta to your prayer list. If you don't, then just buy me a drink when I get back. My friend Theresa already started tonight with a bottle a of Chardonney.

Baking Cookies & Merry Christmas

There are some Christmas season traditions you just do. You don't need a reason. You do them because you are supposed to do them. Baking cookies is one of them.

I started baking late Wednesday night because I needed banana bread to go with the school teacher gift cards to B & N I got them. I drank some left over wine from Sunday book club, and proceeded to also make chocolate pretzel rings, mix up and bake spritz wreaths, mix up pecan sandies, and mix up cookie cutter sugar cookie dough.

I invited some friends over Friday evening to decorate, eat spaghetti, and bake the rest.

The evening was fun, and Jackson got into it for a brief minute. He liked using the J cookie cutter (candy cane to the rest of us).

But part way thru putting the green leaves on the wreaths a friend (who was quite drunk when she got to my house) asked, "Who are you making these for?" To which her husband retorted, "She is baking cookies for the poor."

I really was NOT sure how to take this. Was he just drunk? Were the implying they wanted cookies? That I am a do gooder? Whatever the reason, it left me a little unsettled.

Until yesterday. Why do I make cookies?

• So I have some to take when the neighbors across the street invited me for a holiday cocktail.
• So I have some to take when Jackson's friend invited him to come over to play last night.
• So I have some to send to Aunt Lori and Grandma who are watching Jackson today so daddy does not have to pay for a week of day care we are not going to use.
• So I have some to bring to work for office Christmas party x 2 that was supposed to be today.
• So I have some to take to Jackson's babysitter when we go to pick up his Christmas gift to her and drop off her Christmas card tomorrow.

In general I bake cookies so I can share holiday cheer with those around me.

Merry Christmas to you all!

We are headed out to Indy either later tonight or in the AM. I don't know whether to drive in 5 degree temps in the dark but have it be dry, or drive in daylight in sleet. Plus I have not packed...

Thinking Game

Jackson and I developed what he calls The Thinking Game, similar to I Spy or 20 questions. He starts, because he ALWAYS STARTS, and says,

I am thinking of a place where......

And then I guess and we switch. It is very funny to play, because it shows what he has on his mind. It is also a good game because:

• It gets us talking when he is not in a talkative mood.
• Calms him down when he is being a little too hyper
• Keeps him at the table when he does not want to finish his dinner
• Lets us spend good time together when I am not feeling that well

He likes to "think" about:

1. Brick and mortar, brick and mortar where there is a Lightning McQueen Bed
2. A place where we get out car fixed
3. A place where we get chicken nuggets and french fries
4. A place that is not brick and mortar that is white and where we are going for Christmas
5. A place that is not brick and mortar that is white where Tessie lives
6. A place where we get donuts
7. The place where we see Father and pray
8. A place that is brick and mortar brick and mortar where there are toys and he goes there on Tuesday and Thursday.
9. A place he goes on Saturday and wears a white outfit

Can you guess?

Welcome World

I also wanted to say welcome to CNN, FoxNews and all of the other satellite trucks that are surrounding the Illinois State House.

Note to the CNN guy: the west side of the building in the Midwest tends to be a wind tunnel - not a wise choice for your live mid-day shot. Try the OTHER side.

My first Springfield office was directly below the press room in the Capitol. I have seen the swarms around the James R. Thompson/State of Illinois Building in Chicago, and the media was pretty crazy when Obama announced his candidacy, but I hear this is out of control.

Our new building is one block north of the Capitol, but I did not venture to the circus today, and we had stragglers popping in with reports from the inside. I am sure they will be back tomorrow and days to come.

BTW - I have added a mini list of blogs I check on regularly. If you want to follow the IL political thing from an insiders perspective, check out the Illinois political blog.

Dressing it Up

What is it about that perfect black dress, the litle strappy sandles, the outfit that makes a perfect stranger pause and say, "You look STUNNING" that makes us stand a little straighter, walk taller, and feel like you can conquer the world? (Check out Kelli's post for a good description of it from most of our days gone by.... )

The "Shoe Shot" from my brothers wedding. Mine are the strappy silver - so not me but so fun to wear!

Last night it was not my outfit, but my house dressed to the nines that made me glow with pride. I love to entertain and put on our finest...the photos don't exactly capture the warm of the glow, but I can still see and smell it....

The table, buffet and wall of maternal history

Yes, we are "green" in that I am using toy shelves to insulate the fireplace.... someday I will get it back!


The "bar"



View from my kitchen door way

Life's Blessings

Jackson telling Santa he would like cars and a "scooter ball" (whatever that is).


Andrew, Jackson, Sophie and Jeffrey
(apparently the first photo ever captured of Andrew and Sophie with Santa)

• Walking into Sunday mass, greeted by name by the usher, a long time father-like friend.
  
• Jackson excited to see numerous friends and classmates in church.
  
• Andrew and his daddy, and Jackson with me checking out the large advent wreath after mass.
  
• Enjoying Breakfast with Santa with friends and their families - both long time friends and new friends - at the Knights of Columbus.
  
• Seeing the circle of my life, running into people from my early days in Springfield, now also at the K of C Hall with their spouses and small children.
  
• Leaving those friends with "See you tonight." (at book club dinner); "See you Tuesday." at the Preschool Christmas Program; and "See you Saturday." at karate.
  
• This morning left me feeling warm and fuzzy and loved - with the joy of sheer blessings and happiness you are supposed to feel this third week of advent.
  

Thank you for my life's blessings.
Amen.

Day by Day

Had a CT scan on Friday. They are not sure what is causing the kidney pain, but decided to treat as kidney stones until they can prove it wrong or until some time next week, which means lots of water and PAIN MEDS - finally. I saw my primary doc's partner. He is 6 months older than me, and has three children of his own. He asked/commented that I had been in pain on and off since March? Followed by a question about what they were giving me for pain. Motrin was my answer. A look of disbelief filled his face. He wrote me a script while saying, "That is too long to be in pain."

So I have darveset (the one pain drug I know I am not allergic to), and it seems to help. I have been having dizzy spells on occasion still, but besides being tired today, and still tender, it was better.

We had karate today. They are so cute. And I wrapped tons of gifts for the office Christmas party and some family things. I picked up a bit, and pulled my holiday dishes out. I also made my dessert for the book club feast. I think it is going to be AWESOME.

Suzanne's Peppermint Torte
1 package oreo cookies, crushed (save a few to eat)
2/3 stick margarine melted
1 quart peppermint ice cream
1 jar chocolate fudge ice cream topping
1 12 oz cool whip
20 small candy canes crushed

Soften ice cream in fridge for 20 minutes. Set aside 1/4 cup oreos. Melt margarine and mix with most of the oreos. Press in the bottom of spring form pan. Freeze while the ice cream softens. Scoop ice cream into pan. Press in place with waxed paper. Freeze 1 hour or more. Spread chocolate fudge over ice cream. Sprinkle with crushed candy, setting aside small amount. Freeze. Spread cool whip over the top. Sprinkle with remaining oreos and candy canes. Freeze. Release from spring form pan. Present on a pretty plate. Serve on cool reindeer plates you never get to use.

I recommend crushing oreos 1/2 package at a time in a large zip lock baggie using a rolling pin to whack them and then roll them. For candy canes, the handle of a screw driver worked better. I would have used a hammer, but that meant another trip downstairs. The rolling pin did not cut it. I used Edy's peppermint, which was yummy. I saved a couple of cookies and ate them with the last couple of bits of ice cream, leading me to the idea that this will be delicious. I want to go cut into it NOW!!!

[FOLLOW UP - Posted after Book Club Dinner. Dessert WAS good. But don't bother with the springform pan. Next time I will make it in a glass pyrex. Also, leave more chunks in the candy canes. The crunch is good.]

Yes, my typing might be bad right now...I have taken my drugs...and am fighting to keep my eyes open....BTW - Did you see the opening of Saturday night live???!!! It was all about the Crooked Governor....

Needing more karma....

The pain started today.....I believe my left kidney is being affected. It feels like a big throbbing rock inside of my back left side.

My arms are getting week, and I had dizzy spells in the grocery store.

BUT the Christmas lights are finally up outside, and the house mostly decorated. The shopping for our Book Club Christmas dinner is finished, and I got my book for the exchange and the asparagus at lunch today.

Hopefully the pain will last only a day or so. Hopefully Jax will stay patient for the next few days.

I am so looking forward to this dinner and the feast I have planned and breaking out my fun holiday dishes. If you say prayers, please say one for a quick and less intense time frame this week/month. If you don't say prayers, please send a hug....

While you are at it, please send good wishes to Dr. Lisa as she celebrates her birthday this week and good wishes for her friends who have been and are going through cancer treatment. If you check out her blog, you will see how very special this time of year and her birthdays are.

And sometimes it takes tough things for us to understand who are true deep friends are, and how strong we can be.

And the thing that keeps me smiling today...last night I told Jackson that I really loved him and that I was very proud of him. He just turned and grinned at me and said, "I love you more!"

Vindicated

My face hurts from smiling so much. Our governor was taken away this morning by Federal Marshals in handcuffs.

As many of you know, I started my career with the Illinois General Assembly. I staffed the Health and Human Services committee and did budget analysis. From there I went to the Secretary of State Executive Office and also "advised" on his run for Governor.

After the election, I went to work for the Lt. Governor as her Senior Policy Advisor for Health Care and Social Services.

At the end of her term, I took a job with the state's Medicaid office as the Federal Liaison, the one charged with convincing the feds to approve the things we wanted to do in the states' Medicaid plan.

On January 14, 2003, on Governor Blagojevich's first day in office, he held a press conference at 1 PM and announced he was terminated 35 of us (so dubbed by me in a drunken state a couple of days later as the G-Rod 35), Ryan cronies, political hacks, and other bottom feeder kind of language.

At 1 PM on that same day, I was on the phone with the feds, getting approval for an additional $15 million back to Illinois for some rare prescription drug coverage for poor dual eligible seniors (both Medicare and Medicaid eligible - the REALLY poor people). I walked out of the meeting to a phone call from a former colleague who then faxed me the press release complete with my name, current position, current salary, past position and past salary.

Many of the GRod 35 sued and won. I did not. If he did not want me, fine. I knew I was very very good at my job. I knew I was not a bottom feeder. The arrogant SOB was not going to get me down. I will get my record fixed some day. The court says I can when I get around to it.

So while I don't feel very Christian dancing around the office with glee, face in pain from the perma smile, today I feel vindicated. He is going down because he is an arrogant, greedy, full of himself SOB - and that will be proven in a court of law based on his own words.

Could not have happened to a nicer guy.

My Saturday - My Life

Friday night our friend Theresa and her two girls came over for chicken pot pie pasta and game night. Jackson snuggled with me in my bed for the night.

Saturday morning came and we jumped out of bed, lucky to have stayed there until 8 AM, and got ready for karate, the post office and birthday party.

Focus drill - punch the ball on the bounce.....the little dance at the end is just a bonus!

Balance drill.....walk on the pads without falling. Jax made it with no hands on the 3rd round. He got his first red strip on his belt that day.

Just hanging with Jayneanne at her 5th birthday party at McDonald's playland. Jayneanne used to go to Ms. Melody's but now goes to full day preschool. Jax and Jayneanne sat there, just hangin' for a good 10 minutes while the other kids ran around.

Opening gifts with Jayneanne. We got her Boggle Junior. Mommy hung with her aunt and really enjoyed her company.

Home for naps, with a very very tired boy, and pretty tired mommy.

Designed the Christmas card, and showered for the annual Cookie Party.

The Cookie Party, now hosted by the Reimers family, started as a mom and tot afternoon of fun when Jax was about 6 months old. After a year or so, and a dad brought a tot when a mom was sick, some beer got opened, and then a bottle of wine.

Mommy had to choose the last couple of years because the Cookie Party grew to a late afternoon/evening extravaganza with lots of drinks, dinner and the whole family. The time slot is now opposite the Wine and Cheese Party - the party that was kind of the precursor to Jackson. Last year, I went to a neighborhood event, got a sitter for Jackson, and joined daddy and others at the Wine and Cheese thing. We skipped the Cookie Party in '07.

Not this year. Jackson's best friend is now Andrew Reimers. They both go to Melody's. I worked with both mom and dad Reimers and Mrs. Reimers organizes book club. There were probably 20 kids from some 10 or so families, including 6 infants. Jackson headed in the door and straight up the stairs to the kid-land attic. The families are from my work past, my current preschool, and our Blessed Sacrament future. It was a great evening. I was perfectly at home.

Our social lives have changed and merged. Our lives are now different. Our fun is now different. My life is different. But it is OUR life. And it is good.

Pre-Gifting - Is it Wrong?

This Saturday we have another 5 year old b-day party. And there will be another 4 year old party in the very near future.

It is Christmas time, so everything is on sale, so while I was out buying medicine/playing hookie on Monday after the plumber left, I meandered thru ToysRus in search of the "perfect" (cool/inexpensive/something not every kid already has) gift for JayneAnne, and came across the game aisle. There were lots of cool ones anywhere from $4.99 to $12.99. So I stocked up. But I did resist Candyland because several stores have it for $4.99, and Little Joe got 2 at his b-day.

I also went to the grocery store. And while I was there, stocked up on mid-range wines.

And went to the mall and stocked up on inexpensive snowman plates.

And the 6 pack of photo coasters (I think there are now 6-six packs of coasters in my basement, but one is for me from Santa).

I think either I am:
A - Completely anal
B - A shopaholic
C - Wanting to avoid our "west side" shopping congestion in December or
D - All of the above.

I used to have a stock pile of baby gifts down in the "gift room" - who am I kidding - the essentials are still there - Jackson's favorite book as a baby, Baby Motrin, Triple Paste Diaper Cream, Totally Toddler Spray Wash, and some random outfits. I can pull together a baby gift at the drop of a hat.

And now I guess I can also do a hostess gift, birthday/random Christmas and preschooler gift too.

And I wonder why I am having cash flow issues.....But is it wrong?

p.s. All I want for pre-Christmas are some comments. I miss Lisa being at home! Help me out please if there are any lurkers out there!

What I am Thankful For....a Little Late

• Three friends who each invited me out on Thanksgiving Eve, but who understood when I chose to say on my couch.

• The three other friends who invited me to join them for Thanksgiving Dinner if I was still going to be in town - We got to leave by 1:30, so I settled for a gas station hot dog (even McDonalds was closed!), and round 2 of dinner with my family.
  
  

• The three friends/neighbors who assisted me in changing the wax ring on my toilette that I discovered leaking at 10:15 on Thanksgiving morning.
  
  

• The homeowner spirits who somehow possessed me into buying a wax ring some time in the past years, and the organizing spirits who helped me organize my basement last Christmas so I actually FOUND said wax ring at 10:30 on Thanksgiving morning.
  
  

• Fate that turned me from being in a sour crabby mood to a good mood after said event. Who is so fortunate to have a life like mine - where we are surrounded by people who love us enough to even come out to help fix a leaking potty on Thanksgiving morning?!

• Living in the Midwest where I can take in the beauty of the recently harvested fields, the multi-colored leaves....

....and the wide open roads on a bright and sunny Thanksgiving Day.....

........with my sweet little man sound asleep in the back; and then return on the same roads three short days later in the midst of a soft blanketing snow, with my little man in an even deeper sleep for three hours.

• A family so loving that my mom and aunt saved an entire casserole of dressing to heat until we got there.

And the obvious:

• My sweet little man
• My lovely crazy big family
• Our little company that has grown by 400% in the last five years
• My adorable little house, with its leaks, squeaks and quirks, and as Jackson says, Brick and mortar, bricks and mortar
• Our neighborhood where friends are neighbors and neighbors are friends
• Our community where you know someone every where you go
• And my long time friends, and my new ones here in the blogger world