Rights of Passage

Wednesday night was "fee night" at Jackson's school. It is the Catholic elementary school where we go to church. We changed parishes when Jax was about a year old, mainly because I wanted him to go to school at B.S. Plus we live in the parish and I have lots of friends there.

The good thing about fee night: Preschool was easy. One table, drop off your forms, you are done. (Part of me thought, "This was easy." part thought, "What was the point of THAT?").

Somehow I thought there should be more. The gym was abuzz with parents (mostly moms) getting reacquainted, discussing whose kid was in whose room, what teachers were good, etc. I bought my SCRIP gift cards, signed up for a shift at the big fundraiser, and searched for some greater meaning, or something.

I think I was just longing to fit in. Part of the thing I loved about the parish is how you leave mass feeling like you just had a huge hug. Great priest. Tons of families. People sitting in the same general area each Sunday, smiling the familiar hellos.

And as I said earlier, I know lots of people here. Tennis people, former work people, current work people, political people, former boyfriend's friends, etc. I thought I should feel at home. I saw quite a few people I knew, but realized at fee night, I don't have a "group" yet. I am still an island. Everyone seemed to have their "people." I know lots of folks, but I don't have my "people" yet. Those you can go to, hang out with, and not feel like you are invading others' groups.

The first guy I saw I know from lots of ways: politics, works in my attorneys' office, I used to work with his wife, he used to flirt with me before he was married. I moved a couple people back in line to chat with him. But once we hit the table, he knew all of the ladies (I assume teachers/other parents) working, and I just did my thing and moved on.

My friend Lori from book club/former colleague/introduced me to Jax soon to be new babysitter was there and was the friendliest. But she is the bulletin coordinator for church, has a current preschooler and soon to be K student, lives down the street, and had her other moms and neighbors there. Angie who is always at mass, has another Jackson, and I know originally from a former boyfriend was at a bible study table. I chatted with her, but she had her Catechism friends, and stay-at-home mom network people with her.

I hope that once Jax is more involved with school, athletics, etc. I will find my "people" or get more accepted into others' groups of people.

Lisa mentioned in her blog those feelings from high school of wanting to fit in. I DID sit at the cool kids table, but have always been the one who was slightly different from the rest. (We were the brainy jock cool kids, but my chronic knee injury kept me from TRULY being a jock at the table.) I am a mom - without a husband. I am a single person - with a child. At work I am a non-owner employee, but the chief of staff and thus "fun sheriff." (And the one who had to leave the party last night to go deal with the building alarm going off.)

Yesterday I had lunch with a long time former colleague and friend who has been divorced now and has two daughters. I have another acquaintance who was a single Eucharistic minister and pregnant the same time I was. Her Jonah is a month younger than Jax. We have bonded a bit over that, exchanged numbers and vowed to get together each time we run into each other at the park, a festival, or community event. Perhaps they can be my people. The single professional moms of Springfield. Who knows.

In the mean time, my island will stay afloat. I will continue being JaxMom.

And for the first Saturday in a few months home with no child and no work obligations, I will go pull weeds.