So because a few of you, as well one of my local divorced mommy friends, inspired me with your successes with online dating, I once again signed up for Match.com.
This has been causing me some anxiety on one general and two specific fronts:
Specific #1 My mommy friend has been dating this guy she met online for nearly 2 years. It has had its highs and lows, but she was glowing after Christmas when she told me she had Christmas dinner with his family, and that he was truly acting like a real boyfriend - consistently.
Sounds AWESOME for her right? Well, apparently he is still on Match, I popped up in his "Daily 5" and he checked that he was interested. AND I believe that a photo of him in his profile SHE took. I wrote him an email back saying that Springfield was a small town, that I think I knew the person who took his profile pick, and did he know Hollie and Hannah's mommy because I was Jackson's mommy, but I hope I had the wrong guy. I have not heard back.
Do I tell her?????!!!!!
Specific #2 I got emailed from a high powered lobbyist here in town. He is in the "in/happening" business lobby group that is always out.
He ended up having an affair with a woman he worked with, who I cannot stand because of her apparent ego (her step father was someone big and respected, and I think he is completely embarrassed by her), and I have always gotten the impression from that group that they were, or thought they were, a caliber above the rest. The affair broke up his marriage and they got married. Then he caught her having an affair with his best friend, that had been going on for years, so I hear.
NOW, I emailed him back saying that he probably did not recognize me, but I was me and that seeing as how we work in the same industry, it was probably a bad idea but good luck. He replied that if the industry thing was a non-starter, so be it, but he had not realized my profile was me and still wanted to take me to dinner.
Well, it is not so much the industry thing, but the fact that I know this saga. Having dated a high profile guy in town for almost three years when I first got to town, and having had numerous untrue rumors told about me, and hearing what that grapevine in this junior high/college like town can say about you that is so far from the truth, I feel slightly guilty judging him so, and am not sure how much of my opinion I should share.
This DOES NOT change the fact that (1) he had an affair on his wife; and (2) he apparently was at some point in love with Ms. KL, who I think could not be more different from me.
Any thoughts? Should I just not reply? Should I tell him it is the industry thing? Should I tell him the truth?
General 1: When someone has Winked, or emailed or said they are interested, what kind of things do you chat about? When do you exit the system and give them a phone number, your real email, or suggest a get together? Have you dealt with the distance thing? The few I have found interesting seem to live an hour or so away. Any suggestions would be welcomed....
I know big time lobbyist guy has been on Match for at least 9 months, so I am guessing many others are veterans at this....
THANKS!!!
4 Years Old - Moving On
14 years ago
7 comments:
Hmm- The online dating world is a quagmire. It is easy and so accessible so I think that for people prone to infidelity it is just too easy. That being said- I have to believe that there are good people there too. Just protect yourself. I think that relationships that begin this way have to start slower and my other rule is for at least the first two to three dates meet at a neutral location and bring your own car.
Oh yeah and for specific #1- if she is a friend- tell her
I'm not a whole lot of help here on the general. But, on the specifics, I'm with Lisa for #1. Tell your friend. As for #2, I think you can do better than a former cheater. You are a fantastic catch to settle for that. I'd just get out of it the easiest way I could. I wouldn't tell him the truth because whatever you say he might repeat to the grape vine in an unfavorable way for you. But, then again, what do I know about any of this???
P.S. Glad to hear your mom is doing better. Love you.
And, BTW, to avoid my kids driving me nuts during yet another snow day (which gets followed up now by a long weekend with MLK Day), I have spent a lot of time today reading blogs (yours and your friends I don't even know). Thanks to you all for sharing your stories and insights. I give you a lot of credit to put your thoughts and feelings out there -- what an inspiration. I had a lot of fun reading today.
No fears. I have NO intentions of going out with the lobbyist man. Nope. Not a chance.
Hi! I'm catching up on my blog reading again. I keep falling behind. :(
So, I met Russ on match.com....which makes me biased I guess. For #1, normally I'd say tell her and I guess if she is a friend you should, but I'm operating under this new policy of keeping my nose out of people's business. For #2, if you are going into it feeling in any way uncomfortable then I say forget it. Finally, for the general- I think it depends on every situation. You give your phone number when you feel comfortable, you meet in person when you are ready....I know Russ and I talked every day for a couple of weeks straight before exhanging phone numbers. Then we talked for hours and hours every day for two weeks straight before meeting in person. we were ready to meet face to face....it was time.
I'm excited for you, good luck!!!!
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