Memories

My childhood was blissful up to the age of 12 or so. We were the rich kids in the poor neighborghood. Did not have designer clothes or Nike shoes, but we had a boat and a lot on a lake outside of town, took vacations each summer, and got pizza almost every Friday. Mom was home with us, and we had lots of friends with her Bridge, Euchre, Bowling groups, etc. We played soccer and other school sports.

But for some odd reason, my most vivid memories surround the bad memories. Breaking my music box, having to stay home because of a late potty training failure when my sister got to go to a friends'. The tornadoes in '78, etc. D0n't get me wrong, I have lots of good memories, but the ones that replay in my mind like home movies are the bad stuff.

Jackson seems to have inherited this trait, and a great deal of my anxiety. Tonight at bedtime, he expressed concern about daddy's car breaking down, and if it does, I should go pick them up. No problem. He/they can call me any time for help. Daddy needs a new car. Okay. (He does.) Then he related a story of daddy's car breaking down and Aunt 'Ori picking up daddy and then him. I knew this had happened once back in June or so, so I asked if he was with daddy. Nope. He was at Cathy's. Same incident. Why is he obscessing now?

We had his follow up with Dr. McKenna on Friday. All seems to be healed. But on the walk from the garage, he replayed so much of our interactions surrounding Dr. McKenna and his surgery, it blew my mind. He even remembered what color of shirt he wore the first day we saw him. Blue. He speculated he would have a yellow one on Friday. It was tan. Close. He remembed the IV, giggle juice, the 4 stickers he had on him, that they have suckers there. This is just a sampling. I know this was a big deal for him, but it seems our efforts to down play it failed miserably.

He also remembers when I was mad at him. Asks about why "yesterday" (yesterday can be any day since he was about 3 weeks old) I talked mean to him. "Can we talk about it?" Sure, but I don't have a clue.

I hope that I am creating many positive memories for him. I have no positive memory now of being three. (I hardly remember yesterday, but that is another thing!) I know that what we do for them now helps mold them into what they become later.

Oh, and I learned that he is afraid of fans. Yep. Something else to talk to Melody about on Monday. Fans. Does not want to sit on the couch in front of the window with a fan. Also need to talk to Daddy about it, cuz seems there is an evil fan there, too. Good thing ours are in the ceiling.