A Silver Lining

I have not posted much lately. Partly because of time:

• We had our second largest convention at the end of July
• I hosted my parents' 40th wedding anniversary two weeks before that
• Tee Ball AND soccer have now started.
• I got a promotion at work - I am now our Vice President and head off all operations at work
• One of my first duties was "letting go" a young man who had been my right hand, who had become "septic" to our organization.

But mostly, because I have become very sick with the this new hormone. And after week 10, I have given up on it.

Over the last month, I have vomited my meals at least 1/3 of the days.

And I was forced to face reality when my physical therapist noted that all progress we had made on my frontal muscle groups had regressed and gotten worse. When she stated that I was way over rationalizing that my current state of digestive distress was not that bad. When she insisted that I (1) take a vacation; (2) get in to see my doc; and (3) that she did not want to see me until 1 & 2 were taken care of.

Okay, okay, okay.

Jackson and I have planned a vacation to Disney, inviting ourselves along to my two aunts' and two cousins' trip to the Not So Scary Micky Halloween party in late October. We are not going to over due it, and plan lots of poolside time, weather permitting. That has given me a light at the end of my next two month hell quarter (3rd quarter is ALMOST as bad as the 1st in my world).

I go see Dr. Brown tomorrow. I am not sure what he is going to say. I will get the results of the second scan, so hopefully he will have an answer about the swelling in my right fallopian tube. Hopefully he will have a different drug or strategy to try.

Despite my complete meltdown to my sister on Friday night, I am trying to see a silver lining:

My pants are much looser! And yes, I know that is NOT the approach to losing weight.

BUT the things I have been able to eat seem quite in line with LisaK's healthy eating - low fat meats, veggies, fresh fruit, natural starches. No fatty foods. No greasy foods. No hot, or sticky, sweet foods.

As a result, I am eating healthier. I am cooking at home more. I am saving money. Jackson is eating healthier. I am seeing glimpses of my former in shape body.

I still have a good 20 lbs or more to go before my pre-pregnancy weight, but I DO feel inspired. If I don't have the energy to work it off, I can at least for the time being, clean up what I am putting in my body.

If Lisa can endure cancer surgeries and treatment and radiation, and two years later finish a triathalon, surely I can take some inspiration from her and commit that when my body is up for new exercise, I will do it. And in the meantime, I can break some of those bad habits, comforting myself with crap food, and embrace the healthy.

Laying here on the couch with no energy to move much, I watched the women's final tennis match from Cincinnati. I WANT to wear my tennis clothes again. I want my arms to look like that again. I long for opponents to look at me like a daunting challenge, at least for the first few games until my complete lack of skill shines through. I want my son to have the image of mommy as an athlete, not just daddy. I want to play tennis with him. I want to chase the balls he is cranking off the tee and be able to chase them well.

Anyway, I will try. Feel free to encourage! And in the meantime, I think I smell the pork roast with potatoes and carrots ready in the kitchen....