FDNY Stay Back 500 Feet

Jackson wore that shirt to school today, for "Patriotic Day" in BSS Preschool 4's. It was a hand-me-down shirt from his cousin Zack, literally handed to him about 18 months ago when we were visiting their update NY home. He wore it a few times, but it was huge on him. But today I pulled it out of the drawer for him to wear.

I was thinking about that day 8 years ago with all of the radio coverage, and thinking how fortunate that I am that I knew no one who was killed in that tragedy. I know people who knew people, but I don't even know those names.

I am not sure if it is the same sunny type of day, the news coverage and feeling over tired, the FaceBook posts, or trying to explain to my 4 year old about the firefighters going in to help people trying to get into the burning building, but the emotions and visuals of that day and that days that followed are with me today, more than in the past years.

• The beauty of the weather that day, bright sunshine, crisp air.
• Friend coming by to watch the coverage, not knowing what else to do.
• Driving to Champaign to pick up vehicles placed at the airport there in anticipation of our candidates arrival that was to be part of the flyaround that day.
• Pulling into the barracaded little airport in Champaign, having to get clearance past National Guardsmen to pick up said vehicles.
• Liaisoning on behalf of the Lt. Governor's office with the ARC, working out of the LTG's inlaws guest bedroom and front porch - shared by our press secretary - since we could not get into our government offices.
• The LTG's mother in law cooking all day. She had a housefull of staff, troupers and family, and that is what you do in a time of crisis - cook. I think I can still smell Betty Wood spaghetti.
• Pulling up to the SwissHotel, and seeing no one except SWAT Teams and National Guardsmen in full gear. Not even a vallet came out to get my car.
• Going to work in the State Building the next morning. Conference calls, trying to get medical supply planes off the ground, state agency line up of what was available to move if necessary, conversations with blood banks, etc.
• A little after 5 PM, getting a message over the building loud speaker that the building was on lock down - no one was allowed to leave until further notice and to please remain on your floor. There were maybe 20 of us in the building; about 5 in my office. We sat there. What the F#@$#? I called our troupers. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?? They made some calls. A suspected bomb was found in the basement. We were sitting on the 15th floor of a glass building that was the center of Illinois Government in Chicago.
• The next night my boyfriend who worked from home came downtown to stay with me, bringing flowers, wine and some snacks. I did not want to leave our room. I was exhausted.
• The rest of the week was a blur, except to know that Chris and all of the travelers would be at the Swiss when I finally made it "home."
• Saturday morning, I drove home for a RedCross check presentation in the Lowes parking lot. I remember finally noticing sunshine. I also saw flags EVERYWHERE. Signs on cars and overpasses.
• Repacking a bag, I headed back north. A conference call with the Vice President (okay, that would have been cool under any different circumstance); planning the state's memorial service, simulcast between the state capital rotunda and the JRTC auditorium, where we would be live.
• All state top elected officials except the Governor were there. I had a shouting match with the Attorney General's head trouper in front of all of them that we would NOT be going through the back tunnels, that we would be marching down the stairs in the auditorium. THEY could secure the room best they could, but the people of Illinois needed to see that we were not hiding.

Sometime that week, metal detectors went up outside all of the elevators. Guards were posted on our floor, the AG's floor and the Governor's floor.

By the end of week two, I was spent. Me, who really had not done much at all. I felt guilty for feeling exhausted. I had not lost any loved one. I was not in a tower, or in a field, or in the pentagon, or searching for a loved one, or comforting my children. I felt guilty that my efforts were fairly trivial. We did get the supplies off the ground. My friend got heavy construction equipment across Indiana from a bus in Ohio.

I walked into the LTG's office, she looked up and said, "Yes?" "Can I go home now?" I am lucky that I could. I am luckly that I still can.

I am not really sure how to end this post, so I guess I will just say that yes, I remember. And God bless those families who lost loved ones, who played a roll, no mattter how large or how small to help or comfort a neighbor in need.