The next few days - Part 3

Unbelievably, I have no recollections of 11-1-04. On Monday, I called my primary care doc. I did not have an OB/GYN because Dr. Mary had taken care of it all to this point. I knew I wanted to see HER OB. He is/was supposed to be "the best", is my boss/friend Kim's OB, my doc had consulted him via phone on a couple of my odd medical false ailments in the past, AND I had had the two of them on my Lt. Governor's 30 minute cable talk show, Today's Healthy Woman - Live from the Illinois State Fair edition, back in the day, so I knew him.

Of course, I was NOT up for calling myself. Plus, I knew that I wanted to see HIM and I doubt he was taking new patients. That is why I have Dr. Mary and her awesome nurse Jane. Actually, I did not call Dr. Mary. I called Jane. But I new Dr. Mary had also gotten pregnant while on the pill, she was not married at the time, and she had been a constant in my life for 12 years. I also knew that I needed someone else take a little care of me in my moment of weakness, and I can count on them. So Jane called and got me an appointment with Dr. Dave for 11-15.

Nothing of significance for a few days or so. JP did have a freak out about 10 days into it all. He "disappeared" from my radar for a few days. When he re-emerged, he apologized and admitted that he needed his freak out time too. I gave him that - he should get a turn too.

The day of my appointment, I did not want him to go. I did not know how I was going to react, and I wanted to do this privately. He said he was good either way.

It turns out I was not prepared for the "I am pregnant" first OB appointment. It is set up for a happy young couple thrilled for their news.

I was escorted into an office, not an exam room. A nurse came in all hyper-perky, gave me a bag or two of endless papers, folders, brochures and then began peppering me with question after question after question. A few normal, when was your last period type things, but mostly things I had not even begun to think about. At which hospital will you want to deliver, what are your thoughts on epidurals, who is your pediatrician? Pediatrician? AM I REALLY PREGNANT??? I wanted to scream.

After feeling like I had absorbed shot after shot after shot of being an incompetent new mom with no answers for these questions except the medical ones, I finally broke down and let the nurse know that I was completely overwhelmed, started to cry, and that what I was really there for was to make sure that I was in fact pregnant, and everything was okay. I would deal with the rest once we had that answer. She let me cry, got the doctor, and we preceded on.

He was AWESOME that day. Before the exam, we just talked for along time. He wanted an update on me, details about dad. The status of our relationship. Was he a threat. Just an all around good big brother caring doctor kind of appointment.

When we were done, he sent me for the sonogram. And that is when I heard it - Jackson's heart beat - and saw the bright little light that would grow and flourish and become the amazing little man that he is now. And I felt that tug at my heart strings, and the reality that I was going to be a mom. Of a baby. My baby. A part of me. My body filled with love and I smiled for the first time, I think, in about 2 weeks.

I left with the printout of my little bright light and the knowledge that whatever the next weeks and months would bring, I was going to make it.
......................

I had told my boss/friend Kim on Friday night before I left work that I had a doc appointment on Monday, and that they had said it could take all morning, which it did. I got to work after lunch and went about my business. I know I had been quiet and no where near and the open book that I normally am. And the fact that I did not go in and plop in a chair in her office and vent/share relief/ponder etc. my experience from the morning set alarms off with her. That and knowing that I had had issues a few weeks before, and having told her husband Eric about me having an appointment, and being a truly sensitive guy (which Kim and I are neither one known for), he had asked her if I was okay, and that got her wondering all weekend.

Anyway, after Eric and Veronica had left for the day - back when our little company was just the 4 of us in about 200 square feet of sublet space - I got up about 3 different times to go into her office and tell her. She was my friend and she was my boss, and my due date was 4 weeks before of largest client's largest event of the year - but I could not enter, and instead went to the copy machine, to the bathroom, to the supply drawer.

On my way back from one of my divergent trips she came out and met me. "Are y ou okay?" "I am pregnant." "Pregnant? What are you going to do?" "Have a baby, I guess."

She laughed and we talked, and normally we would go for Margaritas with a news event this monumental, but given the circumstances we didn't. I was glad she knew and would understand my weirdness AND has always been a good sounding board.....

And that is where life stood for awhile.