When I went to the U of I game, Date said that one of the best things about me was that I was always smiling and happy. This was the joke of the century for those at work. But I have been a bit happier lately, and I WANT to be happier.
Date who I need to start calling DM because he is not really DATE anymore - and I talked about this quite a bit at dinner last weekend.
And I have been thinking about what makes me happy, and what it is about the times I have felt so happy lately that MAKES me happy. And what is it about the times I am NOT happy that contributes to that.
I think the all encompassing answer is to finally come to grips with my new world - or not so new world - with my life as a single mom and stop trying to fit myself into a world that does not work for me any more.
I am happy when:
- I am with family
- I am with friends in the neighborhood
- I am with small groups of friends or one on one
- I spend special time with Jax
- I participate in school activities
- I am able to accomplish a big job at work
- I can relax and just be me
- I have comments from my blogger friends (!)
I am not as happy when I am with large group of single people/married with no children/married with grown children who go to concerts, travel, go out late, stay out to the wee hours because typically when I am with them hanging out or having dinner, they often spend their time either (1) planning for the next adventures listed above; or (2) recapping the adventures listed above. And I feel like I am not a part of their world.
I don't fault them for this. I just need to balance it, I think. And I know I can control it too. Acknowledgement to myself I believe is working and heading in the right direction.
I have been much happier the past month. (When 4 of the above were on their cruise thru Hawaii, Thaiti, BoraBora and New Zealand.) And while I still have my personal struggles, and my work struggles, I am starting to find My People and My life, and hopefully with that my happiness.
3 comments:
Just thought I would leave you a comment today... I know you might feel down at times, but are definitely one of the strongest people I know... I always thought if anyone can handle adversity it was you! Good luck with everything.
LisaD
Ditto to LIsa D's comment. I totally get how you feel although I often feel it in reverse. You are stong and you will find balance. I know it.
Adjusting to motherhood is taking a lot longer than I thought. Only now, when my kids are both WAY past newborn, am I feeling anything like postpartum depression. Maybe I never believed my life would have to change so drastically. Maybe I am finally waking up to it. Maybe I knew it all along but wouldn't admit it to myself. I love my kids and people and friends but I NEED my alone time, and lack thereof makes me a very unhappy camper.
You're inspiring me to make a similar list, and stick to it.
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