Where to Start

Update on Date

Right after I finished the last post, I made a sandwich and left. Bank closes at noon. Had left my paycheck on my desk and daycare check from Daddy in my purse. If the day blew up as it was headed, I at least was going to get to the bank before it closed. I had decided to tell date I was not going, then dedicate the day to my yard, or a good long nap.

Date called to say he was on the way right before I got to the bank. He actually was parked in front of my house. "I'm not home," is all I said. "What do you want me to do?" he answered. Hummmm. I thought of a few select comments, but could not tell him I did not want to go. I DID want to go, even if it wasn't with him.

"I'll be home in 20."

I got home and calmly let him have it. We loaded up and got on the road. He apologized again. I told him that we lived in very different worlds, and mine did not include any kid free hours to waste waiting around, or staying in bed until 10 because I drank too much the night before. That at any given time I could get the Mommy call and have to respond - to a nightmare, to puking, to a 103 fever. AND that I felt guilty that he was the cause of me being short and impatient with Jax as I needlessly rushed him around so I would not be too late.

I relaxed a little, and talked little. As the miles went by, my mood improved. We got to the stadium lot and pulled in with the sea of orange tailgaters tossing their bean bags and footballs, parked under a tree with tri-colored leaves and pulled out the food. I decided to crack open a beer and let the wonderful feeling of college football fanaticism wash over me.

We were good from that point forward. And joked about my message telling him I was going to be late but could not WAIT to climb in the car and no longer be responsible for the rest of the day, and him hearing that message knowing how much he let me down.

The game was very good. The weather was perfect. The crowd enthused, and he eventually recovered from this hangover. Plus, I had had a beer so felt good. Illinois won with a last minute field goal followed by an interception with 20 seconds left in the game. We sat back in the lot and I drank two more beers and he managed to knock back one.

We talked easily for quite a long time. But down deep I know he will not be the one. I was blindly willing, I thought, to try to prove my instincts wrong, but on the way home, in a brave moment after us talking about relationships, meeting people, a recent bad date of his, I finally just asked it, "Is this a date, or just two friends going to a football game?" He paused for a long time and said, "Buds, I think." While I am disappointed that he did not want more, because, you know, every girl wants to be wanted, I know it is right.

He drinks too much. Not too often, but when he does, it does not seem like he can stop. He is not really responsible. He could not be one I could let be in charge a majority of the time. And I need that. Despite his apologizes for this morning, I fear this would not be the last of that.

But he was fun to hang out with. I truly enjoyed watching the game with him. I felt good that I could talk openly with him. I think we struggle with similar things being "older" people in the singles world. He loves sports and kids and nice restaurants and shorts and sweatshirts.

We will be friends. And we agreed we would be good "go out and do things with" friends - watch the game, try a nice place for dinner, do those things you need a date for but don't have a date for - kind of a safety date.

While I am sad I am not in love (and he apparently is not either), I had a great time today. I felt like a woman and not all mom. I felt he was proud that he was with me, and his dad whose seat I had (and kept in touch with date from Florida, texting date with every turn of game events) knew I was a girl known in the Martin world as "ND."

When Jax comes home tomorrow, I should be refreshed and not crabby. If, that is, I head to bed in the very near future. So despite a horrible start, and not the ideal ending, it was a good day.

Tomorrow I will post about The Discussion referenced below, and maybe even Part 3 of the Jax story. All I really need to do on the home front is one load of laundry, unload the dishwasher and pay the bills. And maybe address the grass and leaves and mammoth weeds and broken lawn mower. Or not. Maybe just have a lazy couch and football day of years gone by........

G'night!